The Best Wife Ever

How best to describe the Best Wife Ever… Well, the greatest way for me, as her husband, is to start by telling you that she has the most infectious Giggle.

I’ve loved her giggle from day one. It is such a genuine reaction, when she finds something funny, cute or slightly embarrassing.

When you hear it, you immediately smile.

She is a kindhearted soul and is always willing to go out of her way to help someone in need.

An animal lover of all and contributor to many groups. (Humane Societies, ASPCA, World Wildlife Fund, etc)

She is my person. I am so, very lucky we found each other.

The Diagnosis

Dec 2017 we received the news that no one wants to here.

You have cancer.

My wife was diagnosed with Breast cancer, and soon to find out that it had already spread to her lower back. (Metastatic Breast Cancer: Breast Cancer that has spread to other parts of the body.)

Since then, my wife, our family and her team of doctors, have worked diligently to maintain treatment.

This diagnosis has affected our whole life.

Fortunately, She now gets to spend more time with family since she no longer works and is on disability.

She has tried staying as active as possible.

When Cancer goes from Bad to worst.

Labor Day Weekend 2022

I believe it was on the Friday prior to the Labor day weekend. I had stayed home and work from home because I had gotten Covid. We have been sleeping separately to keep me from getting her sick.

At one point I went to take a short nap and my wife went to take a hot bath.

Suddenly, I heard my wife fall and scream in the tub. She scared herself, and scared the hell out of me. I ran to her and she appeared to be unharmed. She was just sitting on the tub floor with her legs folded to one side. She said her legs just gave out from under her.

However, When I went to help her stand and get out of tub, she fainted, her eyes rolled back and blacked out, for just a couple of seconds.

This scared the hell out of us. This was something new. I pushed her to call doctor and get in to see the Oncologist, but due to the long weekend an appointment wouldn’t happen til the following week. So finally after some discussion, we took her into the ER.

While at the Hospital, they did a head MRI and we discovered that the cancer had spread to her brain (Brain Mets). Doctors ordered a targeted round of radiation and new type of chemo that penetrates the brain barrier.

30 days later

Back in ER due. My wife started to have abdominal difficulties and started showing signs of weakened ability to stand and walk, on her own. We struggled, to get her downstairs in the mornings and upstairs for bed. We were needing to assist her to stand and to walk more frequently. Call for another doctor appointment.

Two more MRI’s, and they found the cause of her loss of mobility. They found a mass on her spinal cord c5 c6 vertebrae. Due to the location and pressure from the growth has cause my wife to lose complete feeling and mobility from her waist down.

She is currently weak and bed ridden due to the lost complete lower mobility.

Since our home’s floor-plan has the bed and bath/showers located on the second story, it became a difficult obstacle for my wife’s needs.

We tried as long as we could to have my wife be at home. We put a twin bed down stairs in living room, cleared area so transfers from bed and wheelchair could happen. Paths opened to get to the 1/2 bathroom. However, since I was needing work my full-time job and keep the great insurance that I was lucky to have, I could not care for her 24/7 without a lot of help.

Fortunately, her family is a strong powerhouse. Her mother is a semi-retired RN that works from home a couple days a week, so as a family, the decision was made to moved my wife into her Mother’s home.

We all take turns staying a couple nights a week to help care for her overnight.

Winter of 2022

My wife is seen by her radiologist and he noticed one of my wife’s legs were swollen, he had concerns and immediately sent us over to the Hospital to get an ultrasound done on her leg.

Come to find out that she has developed a large blood clot found in her leg and will now need to be on blood thinners.

Over time she has been having major nerve pain from her legs. Some nights are better than others, but at this time it seemed manageable.

2023 in a nutshell

It has been a struggle, but we all push on and stay strong for my amazing wife. Through everything she is going through, it seems to be harder on the rest of us than it does her. She was never very good about sharing her thoughts and concerns. She hides it well, but has always been hopeful that someway, somehow it will be all ok.

Spring and Summer 2023 has been especially hard.

Over time, my wife has slowly became unable to eat and keep food/fluids down.

Her nerve pain was increasing each day and with more painful nights.

It is extremely difficult to watch someone you care so deeply for, be in and have to handle so my pain. The family all feel so powerless not be able to “fix it”, and at least make her feel comfortable.

Once we were finally able to see her Oncologist again, he decided to switch up her treatment again and go about it a different way.

After a week, the new treatment and meds changed everything! She was able to slowly gain her appetite back, keep it down and her overall mood improved. She got back to being herself again, giggles and all.

July of 2023, has been full of great moments and family outings.
We also received great news, that the latest MRI showed no longer signs of cancer METS on the brain. The past round of Chemo/Radiation has worked!

We were also able to raise enough money, from crowdsourcing, to help pay for half of a used wheel chair accessible van. (They are F***ing expensive!)
Even though, we had to drain our savings to pay for the other half, we are so lucky to have gotten this van and have now had it for 9 mos.
Previously, We were renting a van or using a transport service for every doctor appointment at $150-$199 each time. The family have all taken on this debt and are still still trying to pay it down.

My wife, has battled all the obstacles these past few years and she has continued to remain strong and ever so hopeful. I do not know how she does it.

So much can change in a year – 2024

Thus far, my wife’s nerve pain has increased, it seems to be an every other day occurrence. The doctors only acknowledge the nerve pain and have just increased her pain meds. Although we strictly adhere to the pain med regiment, I’m constantly worried as to the amount of pain meds she is taking. Though I know the goal is to make her as comfortable as possible, and we have to have trust that the doctors to know where the line of being comfortable and overdose is. Because we sure hell, do not.

March Madness

Suddenly one day my wife’s left thigh, had become swollen (3-1/2″ larger that the right side).

We had concerns that is was the blood clot again, and got her in to see her doctor right away. Doctor ordered an X-Ray at the office then a doppler over at hospital.

Come to find out, my wife’s left femur had broken.

Yes, you read that right. The strongest bone in our bodies, her femur, had broken.

Another stay in the hospital. My wife had to have surgery, to get a steel (titanium) rod and pins the full length of her femur. We were told by the Oncologist, Surgeon and others that it was nothing that anyone did.
It appears the cancer has spread to her bones and has weakened her bone density. Her femur was going to break, eventually.

Although all of the doctors tried to reassure us that we didn’t do anything to break her leg. We as a family, had plenty of heated arguments on how we were going to handle my wife going forward.
(This was one of the biggest family arguments, since I’ve been around.)

I still don’t understand. If her bone density is hindered and more bones may break, how is anything we do when we transferring her, not going to cause a bone to break or not.

I still feel the anger and frustration from this event, even while I’m writing this. Argh!

I guess it is fortunate, my wife does not have much feeling below her waist, and any pain she would have had from her femur breaking and the overall surgery to fix it, her pain was mild. She was only in the hospital for 3 nights.

Only 3 NIGHTS! Surgery was on the 2nd day!

My wife is a battled hardened woman. She can handle so lot. She is amazingly resilient to all that she has been going through.

More frequently now, we have seen her resilience fall. The increasing nerve pain in her legs are happening more often and more intense to the point that she will scream out in pain, and cries.
I have only seen my wife cry twice before now.

I wish more than anything to be able to take her pain. It hurts so much to have to watch someone you love be in so much pain and you are helpless to do anything about it.

All we can do, is to be there and to show up, if only to be a hand to hold while we are squeezed with each surge of pain, til the meds can get her to rest.

…

…

Through all of the highs and lows that have happened this year so far.
Everyone’s birthdays, holidays, get togethers and graduations all seemed different and a bit heightened.
Emotions and attitudes have increased all around. I am certain we all have thought about it.

Will this be that last one?

We don’t talk about it, we especially don’t bring it up around my wife. No one wants to be the one that hinders the overwhelming hope my wife has.
But as the days, months and years go by, we know its coming and no one can be prepared.

No matter what the future holds we stay strong, hopeful and strong as a family.

My wife is truly an amazing, most wonderful the absolute strongest person, I’ve ever known. I love her dearly.

That is why, she will always be, the Best Wife Ever!

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Thank you for getting through this post with me. This has been difficult to write about and to share our struggles.

P.S. I will also share that I have started going to see a therapist since last year. Sessions have greatly helped me manage my emotions and taught me how to handle the situations that we go through.
Possibly, why I chose to write it about on here, as an added release of thoughts and feelings.

Thank you again!

Ro Ro