For a long time, I have felt out of place. IT

I have watched many of people grow and change into the people they are today, as responsible adults.

At times, I felt I was left behind. Why could I not understand how to grow beyond my current environment and status. What is this magical formula that everyone else seems to figure out.

1. Inattentiveness

A. Difficulty staying focused

S.O.S.
Shiny Object Syndrome.

It is difficult, to maintain control of my focus.
At work, I tend to start one task, but at the same time my mind is racing. Each time I think of something that interests me or that I might need to remember later, I would get side tracked.
Even If I just overheard a conversation, discussing an issue that needs solving.
Just enough information to derail my train of though.

B. Comprehension

Learning any kind of Math, especially Algebra, I always struggled. Never really understood why I struggled, but I know I had a hard time visualizing the problems.

In my mind I see objects, or play out a scene visually. For example, when I say “Ball” what do you see in your head. Do you picture a ball bouncing or just see the word “ball”, maybe something else like a party, going to a Ball.

Let me know what you see, in your "Mind's Eye", down in the comments below.

Often times my mind is off wandering.

There have been plenty of times where someone is, speaking directly to me, telling a story.
I hear that they are speaking, but my comprehension takes a moment to catch up.

Sometimes during a conversation, my mind drifts into almost a third person scenario.
I realize I am drifting, and I tell myself I really should pay attention, but if I’m not interested at all in the topic I would go into the auto “Huh, Uh-huh, Ahh Ok, Wow” stage.

2. Hyperactivity/
Impulsiveness

A. Hyperactive

I guess I never really considered myself as being hyperactive, but I do recall moments, usually when i was alone, that would fall into this category.

There were many of days that I would stay home “sick” from school and since I was a latch/key kid, my mother and stepfather left me home alone, while they went to work.

I do not remember how old I was, but I remember I really enjoyed watching the Wizard of Oz.
I would watch the movie over and over again.

I do remember that during any of the upbeat songs I would jump from furniture to furniture (kinda like the floor is lava) around our living room.

I would start from the couch, then to the end table, to recliner, next into the coffee table then to another recliner and finally back to couch. I would do this while singing every line of each song. Hyperactive enough?

I don’t think I ever shared that story before.

Can you relate?

B. Impulsive

I always felt I was an adventurous, spur of the moment type of guy.

Nope, just impulsive.

Being impulsive is very present when I would go grocery shopping. If I saw something interesting or that would trigger a craving, I would instantly have to buy it. I’ve learned only go when I have a list of items I can check off, and especially NEVER, EVER go shopping on an empty stomach.

I used to be a lot worse with this. However, the urge to get the new “shiny” still exists, and is a constant battle.

3. Emotional Dysregulation

This symptom, I happened to just learn about and then I started remembering times when this held true, and still does.

A. Rage

I am not sure if I was in middle school or high school, but this one particular day, I was having a bad day.
I don’t remember why, just that I was on edge and felt like a ticking bomb, ready to snap.

Now at this time we were living out on the east coast, and our 3-family apartment building was originally built in 1900.
So the house was already an old building with old construction.

When I got home that day I went straight to my bedroom to try to keep to myself and calm down.
Well, I went to open the bedroom door, and since the door frame was old, my door’s hinges pulled right out of the door frame and the door fell to the floor.

BOOM!

Next thing I know I had picked up the door and threw it out of the 2nd Story window, into the backyard.

The immense rage that was bubbling over, was still so overwhelming, that I had to go downstairs and outside into the yard.

On my way outside, I grabbed the first thing I saw, a Shovel, and proceeded to chop the door into small pieces.
As soon as I was done, I called my mother and told her exactly what I did.

I’m pretty sure she laughed at me.

B. Irritability

Now I know everyone, has experience irritability in there lives at some point, but does it sometimes make you “glitch” or lash out unintentionally?

I still have these moments, most the recent example is when watching the nightly game shows. We enjoy trying to make guesses and see who is correct.
Who doesn’t, right?

So I’m usually focused and trying to listen to the TV as actively as possible. Then someone will start up a conversation that has absolutely nothing to do what we are jointly participating in. If I get called into said conversation, I glitch, for the moment I can’t comprehend what was just asked/said, or understand what just happened on the game show.

Sometimes I will just sit quietly or ask them to repeat, but there are times that I’ll turn and ask “WHAT, what?”, obviously irritated.

Then they get mad because they interrupted my focus time.

For the record, I do know what the priority is, its just a game show, but in the moment, that thought process can misfire.

The same has happened at work. if I’m really focus on a task, I getting things done, then someone comes in and mentions a new task, or issue and it completely derails my hyper-focus.

C. Sadness/Happiness

Have you ever replayed a memory in your head, good or bad, and the emotions of that memory come flooding back to you that you would laugh out loud or even start to cry.

What about remembering a dear loved one that has passed away years ago. Do you all of sudden feel all those raw emotions as if you were there experiencing it all over again.

If so, you too may have experienced (ED).
(Sorry, little chuckle)

D. Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)

Now, I put (RSD) as a subheading to Emotional Dysregulation since RSD is not an officially recognized symptom or diagnosis. However, RSD relates to the overwhelming “emotions” tied to rejection.

Everyone has had to deal with rejection. No one likes it, It hurts, stings, etc.
Those that do experience RSD have immense emotions that go with self-doubt, feelings of being personally attacked, even a small slight of an interaction could set off someone with RSD.

I remember when my Grandparents had their 50th wedding anniversary. I was The family all pitched in to make it a well planned out surprise party, for them.
Everyone was super excited and the anticipation was great.

Then finally we got word they were about to walk into the hall. My cousins and I were front row, anxious for the big surprise and congratulations.

My grandparents walked in and they received a huge “SURPRISE” from the crowd. Shocked and overjoyed with what they walked into.

My cousins and I ran up to give our hugs. My cousins got their hugs and hellos, but somehow in my grandparents’ elation, of the event that was before them, I was overlooked and passed by.

I didn’t speak to or visit my grandparents for a while. (Even as I write this, I can still feel that pain of that moment, even though I know it wasn’t personally.)

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Well there you have it, my initial stories regarding the ADHD symptoms that I have experienced through out my life.

Please let me know what you think so far. Please advise any suggestions that you may have that will be beneficial to making this blog better.

Let me know if you would you like to hear more examples and situational stories of how ADHD symptoms has affected me over the years.

Thank you. – Ro-Ro