I started writing this post on Nov 8th 2024, 8 days since the passing of my wife. What a difference a week can do.

So Let me catch you up.

Over the past several months my wife’s health has slowly declined.

Bed sore slowly grew, but was still told, it was part of the healing process.

Then while one of the visiting nurse was checking her stats, she mention that my wife’s breathing seemed slightly labored.

We reached out to her Oncologist, and he recommended going to the ER .
ER: After a quick review of my wife’s stats, she was admitted to hospital.
Assumption was pneumonia, however she also became extremely distended in here abdominal region.

“Apologies that this Post has taking me a long while to update. The emotions are still raw and wounds are not healed. But I persist, and understand that this is part of the healing process for me. Please stick around and understand my struggles.”

The next 3 nights were absolutely hell.
My wife’s oxygen levels dropped each night, and she became even more difficult to wake the next morning. So bad that the “Rapid response” team wanted to incubate her. (Put her on a ventilator). We miraculously we able to get her to wake up and show the team that it was not necessary.
So 3 nights of that, and after all her tests came back to show that there was nothing else that the hospital team could do for her. On the 4th day of her stay the doctors help push her discharge papers so we could get her back home.

Oct 24 – Home at Last

Thursday evening the family gathered to spend time with my wife. We started having her record “special messages” to everyone she felt the need to. Messages, for her parents, sister, Brother in-law, nieces, friends, and of course one was made for me. We also recorded her wishes, as far as any belongings specifically that she wanted to go to each person. These were not pleasant to listen to and record, but was necessary for what we all knew was coming.

Over the next few days, each day everyone noticed that she was declining a bit more.
By the 6th day, she lost the complete ability to talked and express herself. She also had horrible breathing sounds, which later, I came to understand as the “Death rattle”.
After a long night of of just sitting and waiting with the rest of the family and trying to be as close to my wife while trying to be as comfortable as possible, without many places to rest, I decide to head home to my bed.

Then came Thursday Oct 31, 2024. I received a call from my sister in-law around 8:30a. My dearest wife had past. She was finally at rest.
I did my best to dress in the fastest possible way and make it to the rest of the family.

As soon as I arrived, I pushed for my in-laws to leave the house and to get away from the scene. I felt them just sitting there with my wife’s body was not helping anyone’s grieving. As I told them, especially my mother in-law, that their duties are now over and have done all they could and more. It was time for them to grieve and it was now my duty to finish my wife’s care.

They begrudgingly agreed.

Once they had left it was now on me to get the final things done. I would now sit with my wife and wait for the nurse to prepare her and for the funeral/morgue to pickup her body.
While I waited for the homecare nurse to arrive. I stayed close to my wife and said my final goodbye. I told her I loved her, that she will be missed, and that we all were happy she was no longer in pain.

My mother once told me about how our family once handled the death of my baby cousin Claire, who had passed from brain cancer at the age of 6. She told me that Grandmother, my Aunt Marilyn, and Aunt Linda (Claire’s Mother), and my Mother had decided to wash and prepare Claire’s body for the funeral home themselves. This notion hit me hard, I felt this had to be the most difficult and beautiful thing a person could ever do.

Knowing this prior to my wife’s passing, my family was there to give me the strength I needed, to do what had to be done.

When the home care nurse arrive, I let her know that I will assist as best I can to be here extra hands, washing and preparing my wife for the pick up.

This was, by far, the most difficult thing I had ever needed to do.

Now there a few things in life a person should never witness, I feel one is seeing, what death, in general, looks like.
Obviously, when there is no longer life to a body, the body shut downs and no longer functions. Digestion, bowels, etc. The amount of bodily fluids that naturally find their way out is disturbing, especially when helping to roll and hold a body of each side while a nurse is cleaning up. I kept my gagging to a minimum.

I stayed strong. For my Wife, for her family and for my family. I hope I made them all proud.

Once the we were finished with preparing my wife, the home care nurse left and I continued to wait for the morgue to arrive. While I waited, I stayed busy and did the only thing I could think of to help my in-laws.

I decided to continue to clean.

For the past 2 years, My Mother in-laws house had become a makeshift hospital. The living room, was my wife’s hospital room and my Mother in-law was her nurse and primary care giver.
Medications remnants, healthcare machines and devices, bed, etc had taken over.
I was fortunate to remember how her living room once looked. I knew where and how each piece of furniture was once positioned. I spent the next 4 hours transforming her makeshift hospital, back into the home she had.

When the morgue, finally arrived to take my wife, I helped one last time to transfer her from the bed to stretcher. I again, said my final goodbye and she was gone.

I finished up with my Mother in-law’s home. Waited for Medical companies to retrieve their property. Broke down the hospital bed where my wife last laid. Loaded our van up with everything else that was remaining, and left. I took photos of the house and rooms that I had reformed and sent them to my in-laws and let my Mother in-law know that she had here home back, and had no additional worries for the day. They were are so very grateful.

Now, I will skip to 3 days later. Sunday, November 3 2024.

My Father in-law had decided to have a cookout, for the family at his house, for dinner. This was the intended plan for later that evening.

Since Thursday, I was busy trying to gather, make calls and go through all the things I needed to get accomplished, as a grieving widow.

By Sunday, I mainly just wanted to be home alone so I could focus and grieve in peace. So that day I was making sure I had notified and had access to all the accounts that needed to be informed of my wife’s passing.
However, while gathering all the necessary information from my wife’s apps, accounts and emails communication I noticed a reference to an old email address that my wife once had, prior to us getting married, using her maiden name.

I logged in …

…

I would never have ever thought or wished for anyone to ever be in the position, I had now found myself in.

In my naive and blind innocence, I had discovered an email account with thousands of email communications that were mainly between my wife and a person I had only heard of a few times while my wife and I were first starting to date. A lover.

This email account of hers became an archive. The messages contained communication between the 2 of them, that spanned almost our entire marriage.
She was continuing to have a relationship with this person.

Best Wife Ever ..? Best, Ever? Ha!

I broke down, I first called her sister. She had already arrived the cook out. She answered, she asked what was wrong and I told her what I discovered. She was in dis-belief. Said I would be able to make it to cook out.
I told her I was going to call a friend and have them come sit with me.

I contacted my friend and he was on the way. I next called a mutual friend and my wife’s best friend. She too, was on her way too.

Both of my friends arrived. I shared what I had discovered and showed them the email account and communications. As my buddy was navigating the account, we noticed a saved folder marked “Photos”.
We open it and discovered that she used this account not only to store email communications but also a trove of photos, videos, screen shots of text communications and images. Yes, those types of pics/vids.

I completely lost it.

Everywhere I turned and looked, I saw a framed photo of our marriage. Our wedding, vacations, the life we had built together.

Each and every memory ended with my fist.

I never knew that a person could have so many emotions all at once.
Love, heartache, grief, hate, rage, bitterness, emptiness.

Shattered glass and wood, filled the room as each memory I had burned with flames in my mind’s eye. Complete emptiness filled my heart and head.

I was most fortunate, to have my friends there.

They took care of me.

They helped clean the mess I just made.

I was not to be alone. Not right now. I hurt so much, I don’t even know what I would have done. To my home, dogs, myself.

Once I was passed the initial rage filled hatred, I expressed needing to get out of the house immediately. My friends eventually agreed take me to our safe “home” bar.

…

This is where I need to stop for now. I will continue with sharing the following events and decisions that happened that night and the following weeks as I can best remember them.

For Today is actually Oct 2, 2026.

It has taken me almost 2 full years, so much additional loss, so many therapy sessions and even a few surgeries, just to be able to finish sharing my story.

I hope to continue to share this journey with you and will have more updates in the coming days, weeks and months.

Thank you for your interest and time reading my story.

Thank you, Ro Ro.

Be sure to visit this GoFundMe fundraiser to show support.

https://gofund.me/06145105e